Friday, July 16, 2010


I hate the fact that my daddy isn't here. It isn't fair. It's not fair that my baby brothers and sister are growing up and becoming beautiful people and he isn't here to see them grow. It isn't fair that his only way to see anything going on in our lives is if I send him pictures across the country to the federal prison he is sentenced to until 2025. HE is supposed to take the pictures.

I was going through my daddy's old Flickr account and couldn't look at it anymore after 5 minutes. He captured moments so beautifully. He captured the essence of the people around him. And now he's just gone. Is it selfish that I feel cheated out of having my daddy here for my wedding plans? That I can't bear the thought of him not giving me away. It consumes me. I can't escape it. I need him here.

But that won't happen and I need to come to terms with that. I should be grateful that he's healthy. But I can't bring myself to be grateful when I think of him in that place. I want him to be happy and safe. I want him to be home and things to be the way they used to be.


1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.